I ate a muffin out of a vending machine

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I ate a muffin out of a vending machine

If you can’t tell by the title, this blog post is about making poor choices. When it comes to taking care of ourselves sometimes we can do a poor job of it. I want to talk about that.

For many people eating a muffin out of a vending machine is not that big of a deal (even if it’s not the healthiest choice).

But for me, it’s the equivalent of smacking myself in the face with a shovel.

I’ve got an autoimmune disorder that will randomly punish me for eating processed foods. Sometimes, (not always) my body will take the chemicals and sugars and overnight turn it into a swollen face, itchiness and serious brain fog. Ouch.

I don’t want to get caught up in “why” I made this poor self-care decision. But, inevitably we will all “eat the muffin.” So, what is one to do in the muffin aftermath?

Inevitably we will all “eat the muffin.”

It turns out that how you relate to yourself makes a difference in how things will play out in the day after a poor decision. How you deal with a poor choice, makes a really big deal in how your following choices will progress.

Inner compassion is the secret sauce.

People who are able to show compassion towards themselves after a poor decision have better resilience in this time of struggle. The resilience can take a single poor decision and prevent it from becoming a muffin lifestyle.

It seems somewhat counter intuitive, right? You might think that you need to crack the whip on yourself and be harsh and critical to smack yourself back into line. But it’s not true. Research shows that people who practice inner compassion have better resilience, and are therefore in a better position to make the next choice.

SO what does inner compassion look like in practice? Let’s go back to the muffin aftermath. It’s the day after and I wake up swollen and achy.

I resist the urge to beat myself up over my decision. Instead of saying “I’m such an idiot, why do I do this to myself?”

I opt for a bit of mindfulness. “Oh wow, that was a poor choice, I’m really suffering.” Here I’m acknowledging the decision and being aware of present moment (with as little judgment as I can muster, and maybe a little humor).

I apply some inner compassion. “Oh self, I’m so sorry you are suffering. It really sucks to have to deal with this disease. You usually do a pretty good job of managing your food and stress levels.”

Inner compassion can be good self-care. “I need to take extra good care of myself today to help my body heal. I’m going to eat something fresh and green and then take a warm bath tonight after work.”

It’s that simple. A little kindness and compassion towards yourself can help you to make your next series of decision “after the muffin” be decisions that support you, instead on falling into a pattern of self-loathing and a cascade of additional poor choices.

What to do after you make a poor choice:

  1. Don’t beat yourself up – everyone makes poor choices from time to time, we are human, it happens. It’s ok to give yourself a break.
  1. Recognize you’re suffering. It may not always obvious that our poor decisions lead us to suffering, but they do, or we wouldn’t be calling it a “poor” decision. Right?
  1. Show yourself a little kindness for your suffering. – What? You don’t know how to do this? No problem. Think about how you would treat a family member or a dear friend who is suffering in the same way.

You got this.

 

Neff, K. D. & McGeehee, P. (2010). Self-compassion and psychological resilience among adolescents and young adults. Self and Identity, 9, 225-240.

Neff, K. D., & Dahm, K. A. (2014). Self-Compassion: What it is, what it does, and how it relates to mindfulness (pp. 121-140). In M. Robinson, B. Meier & B. Ostafin (Eds.) Mindfulness and Self-Regulation. New York: Springer.

About the Author:

Cynthia is a coach and teacher of inner compassion, and the CEO of InnerAlly, a B-Corporation that uses research in compassion to create mobile apps to help people improve their mental wellness. Her background is in neuroscience and she had 18 years experience is designing technology tools for learning and behavior change. She is a trained teacher of Mindful Self-Compassion and certified Texas Peer Recovery Coach.

5 Comments

  1. Levin Tull December 29, 2015 at 9:41 pm - Reply

    You are a good sharer, and I appreciate your honest compassion. Way to go!

    • Gerry July 7, 2017 at 2:04 am - Reply

      Me and this article, sitting in a tree, L-EA–R-N-I-N-G!

  2. Eilish McCaffrey December 30, 2015 at 11:24 pm - Reply

    Cynthia, I love your writing style. It reminds me of the sharp wit of a female VC I know in Marin County.:-) I think it is key to remember that just because ‘one took a piece of bread’ that doesn’t mean they need to eat the remainder of the loaf 🙂 For many, like myself, I have a sensitivity to processed sugar so I limit it and make good choices. Here in San Francisco, I can chose lovely ‘farm to table’ meal options AND awesome ‘non sickeningly sweet’ natural dessert. When I do grab the ‘poor choice’, as you remind me, I have to ‘let it go’ and relax 🙂 On balance, I live a healthy life but I’m not perfect nor aspire to be so. I just remind myself with a smile, ‘I am better than I used to be’..easy does it 🙂

  3. Richard Slocum December 31, 2015 at 1:20 am - Reply

    Hi Cynthia, No comment; just a sharing of what I do when I make an error, bad decision, hurt myself. I find myself laughing at myself with a chuckle and loving smile. Perhaps it is my age; at 77 my days of self criticism are over, my days of learning continue. I feel so blessed to be on this little planet with you.

    • admin December 31, 2015 at 1:45 am - Reply

      I hear you Richard. I laughed long and hard about the muffin scandal with my dear friend Christine. Humor seriously helps. Thanks for sharing 🙂

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